God Caught Backing Multiple GOP Candidates for President
By: Dan Amira
Posted: June 11, 2011.
Posted: June 11, 2011.
Print: New York Magazine
After a thorough investigation, Daily Intel has discovered that God is separately backing at least three different contenders for the Republican presidential nomination. Over the course of the past few months and even years, God has sent signs and direct messages to each of these candidates encouraging them to run, presumably without telling them that he supports other candidates as well.
God separately told Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, and Michele Bachmann to run for president, but He went out of his way to let Mike Huckabee know that he shouldn’t run for president, lest he take his focus off the much more important task of producing a series of conservative American history DVDs.
Puny nonbelievers! With your logic and irony. You will be smoted. Because of your freethinking and moral relativism I have had to become the biggest republican kingmaker. I also helped Jason Terry beat the Heat. But even I(He) can’t make Newt Gingrich less repulsive. I should have created better republican contenders.. You damn atheists with your morality and “cruelty and dishonesty are wrong”. Now love me or I will torture you forever!
yours truly, the one and only god.
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