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This is the name of a new book by an ethicist I heard interviewed on the radio today. He writes a column for a prominent newspaper, and he believes in absolute ethics.
He was asked which question in his column had drawn the most responses, and this is what he described:
Say a woman is selling her house. She goes to see a realtor who comes across as honest, personable, and well-informed. After meeting him, she decides that he would be great to have sell her house, so she tells him that, then reaches out to shake his hand to seal the deal. But the realtor does not take her hand. The woman realizes that, of course not, he is an Orthodox Jew and any physical contact between an unrelated man and woman is forbidden. She feels a little uneasy about this gaffe.
The question is, should the woman use the man as her realtor or find someone else?
(BTW, I thought it interesting that this question drew thousands of responses, compared with the average of a few hundred the writer received on most questions in his column. But hey, it appeared in a city with a large Jewish population.)
I’ll post his response and reasoning after some other people have commented.
A handshake is far less important than employing a licensed realtor who has been vetted by the local realtor’s professional association, and having a selling contract that protects the seller from poor performance (for whatever reason) on the part of the realtor. An opt-out or time-limit clause in this contract is also useful when dealing with poor realtor performance.
If the realtor is a professional, a minor social gaffe that could be made by anyone not intimately familiar with the customs of Orthodox Jews should not stand in the way of good service.
If he were an Orthodox Jew it would have been obvious by his silly look.
A better hypothetical would be it was a middle eastern agent and just when you went to shake his hand his wife and daughter appear behind him in burka’s.
The question is, should the woman use the man as her realtor or find someone else?
The question is, should the woman use the man as her realtor or find someone else?
What’s the gaffe, her extending her hand or him not taking it? I’d say, check the atheist yellow pages, then if he kissed her on the lips and grabbed her ass to seal the deal, at least she’d leave there feeling elated for having killed two birds with one stone.
At the point he doesn’t take her hand he has made her a second class person and put his superstitions above her. If he is willing to make that choice no telling what other decisions he will decide later. Walk away.
The question is, should the woman use the man as her realtor or find someone else?
Yeah, Jews are good at real estate (and everything else). The handshake means nothing - this is a business deal. The written contract governs the relationship, not the touchy feely stuff. He wants his commission and will get the best price. If he doesn’t do his job, fire him or sue his prejudiced ass, but use him as your realtor until he screws up. Then, when the deal is done, moon him.
At the point he doesn’t take her hand he has made her a second class person and put his superstitions above her. If he is willing to make that choice no telling what other decisions he will decide later. Walk away.
Yeah, like missing a big sale on the sabbath, or offending the buyer who withdraws the offer for not shaking her hand.
The correct answer relies upon the particular distillation of reflective experience unique to the persons involved. Moral concern reflects quality of experience. This is why hypothetical scenarios are only marginally useful.
On balance I’d say make the decision based on an indexed evaluation of JOB performance. Ignore other cultural factors so long as they do not present legal difficulties. This would be the most ethical choice for ME. So it’s the only real answer I can give. But if someone someone cannot maintain a professional attitude in the face of such irregularities than the choice is different for them.
I’m sure she would notice from his attire that he was an Orthodox Jew right off. But she might not realize that there was a taboo about men and women shaking hands.
(My neighbor’s son joined an Orthodox community in Israel. A matchmaker found him a wife. They returned to the US for a visit, and my husband went over to meet her at an open house. He did the same—extended his hand to her. She shrank back shyly and her young husband, who we’d known since he was a youngster, cheerfully stepped in and shook my hubby’s hand.)
In the scenario, let’s draw out the issues more by saying the woman selling the house is a firm believer in equal rights for men and women. But she also recognizes that the Orthodox man is a great realtor. She thinks of herself as tolerant in the face of religious differences. Yet, she realizes that she holds her feminist views in as high esteem as he holds his religious views. Is it ethical for her to ignore her convictions to do business with someone with whom she disagrees?
The author (Randy Cohen, who wrote for New York Times Magazine as “The Ethicist”) decided she should not. He offered that if the man instead had refused to shake the hand of a black man, it would not have been acceptable. So his unequal view of women should not be ignored
I think GAD’s short answer was the right one: At the point he doesn’t take her hand he has made her a second class person and put his superstitions above her. If he is willing to make that choice no telling what other decisions he will decide later. Walk away.
If someone refused to shake my hand because i was gay there is no way he/she would be getting my business. Why should a woman treated similarly badly not feel outraged and withhold her business just as he withheld his hand? She has good reason not to give her business to him. He has nothing but superstitious nonsense to justify not extending his hand.
I had a friend whose shake was soft and limp and felt pathetic. And yes, it was his hand.
Another squeezes with bone-crushing vehemence, accompanied with a maniacal glare.
Then there’s the crackpot who won’t let go whilst delivering a tedious tale.
And what about the handshake v. peck-on-the-cheek dilemma?
Grip, duration, dominant v. submissive posturing, shake dynamic etc. There’s much to be interpreted.
A handshake reveals something of a person’s character as does a refusal.
The OP scenario seems like no big deal in the context of a business transaction but it would pique my curiosity.
The Asian custom of a respectful bow is less intimate but also more hygenic than handshaking.
This is the name of a new book by an ethicist I heard interviewed on the radio today. He writes a column for a prominent newspaper, and he believes in absolute ethics.
He was asked which question in his column had drawn the most responses, and this is what he described:
Say a woman is selling her house. She goes to see a realtor who comes across as honest, personable, and well-informed. After meeting him, she decides that he would be great to have sell her house, so she tells him that, then reaches out to shake his hand to seal the deal. But the realtor does not take her hand. The woman realizes that, of course not, he is an Orthodox Jew and any physical contact between an unrelated man and woman is forbidden. She feels a little uneasy about this gaffe.
The question is, should the woman use the man as her realtor or find someone else?
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