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I have come to ponder the topic of self-awareness, and whether or not it is a quality (trait, psychological attribute, or gift) that eventually comes to all in good time.
Or is it a comparatively rare feature in just a select number of people?
Are there some humans who will never get it? (No pun intended.)
The source of this topic is a series of conversations I have had with my wife over the past year, regarding a small collection of friends, family members, and coworkers.
Each in their own way, these men and women are utterly clueless when it comes to how they are perceived by others.
In each case, to the detriment of their relationships and/or potential for success at the job.
What is your experience?
Have you known friends or family members who lacked self-awareness, and then at some age (and after some life-altering experiences) finally got it?
Or is this a permanent state?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and contributions.
Knowing how others perceive themselves and how they perceive you expands one’s own sense of self-awareness. Few manage to do so, or even make the effort.
People close to us can be completely at the mercy of their emotions and some may never realise this or have any understanding of the position they are in.
It’s like they are always one step away from stepping towards the first step.
Everyone usually thinks they perceive more clearly, are more reasonable, have a better sense of humor and drive more skillfully than average. Obviously, some are mistaken. Personally, I tend to avoid people who say, “It took me years, but I finally learned to love myself.”
I knew a cop who told me that almost every person he encountered who had committed suicide in their own home had the book “How to be Your Own Best Friend”.
Everyone usually thinks they perceive more clearly, are more reasonable, have a better sense of humor and drive more skillfully than average. Obviously, some are mistaken. Personally, I tend to avoid people who say, “It took me years, but I finally learned to love myself.”
I knew a cop who told me that almost every person he encountered who had committed suicide in their own home had the book “How to be Your Own Best Friend”.
I knew a cop who told me that almost every person he encountered who had committed suicide in their own home had the book “How to be Your Own Best Friend”.
That’s interesting but not a surprise, talking to yourself, laughing at your own jokes, then realising your not much of a conversationalist could push anyone over the edge.
No, he encountered their corpses. Then he looked around to see if the book was on a shelf somewhere. It got to be a “thing” with him and his buddies. Many NYC cops have a grim sense of humor. My student’s mother is a police woman. She told me that everyone in her precinct, as well as other precincts, are collecting the homeless and telling them to go get free food and shelter at the “Occupy Wall Street” site. The protesters are protesting their presence. “Ewwww….poor people.” They apparently hate the bottom 1% as much as they hate the top 1%.
Ah, sometimes I wish that were true when I look into a mirror in the morning, or regret something I’ve done; or am challenged by someone, or get a noticed from the IRS; or when my wife gets pissed at me; or when my ex-bosses said I’d screwed up. In the middle of an orgasm, all there is, is self.
I think all people have self awareness at some level. Some people are aware of themselves and some aren’t, but the way I see it, people amongst their own respective communities help shape their own people to gain self awareness. I mean, who the hell would really notice you when you do stuff or say something, and really address that issue to you. That is when people get to notice themselves, I think.
The environment helps a lot in forming your Self Awareness. It plays a vigorous part I think.
CARBON: I think all people have self awareness at some level. Some people are aware of themselves and some aren’t, but the way I see it, people amongst their own respective communities help shape their own people to gain self awareness. I mean, who the hell would really notice you when you do stuff or say something, and really address that issue to you. That is when people get to notice themselves, I think.
The environment helps a lot in forming your Self Awareness. It plays a vigorous part I think.
I am always ambivalent about informing people who I think are self-deceived in certain areas. First of all, no matter how kindly the information is presented, it will almost always be interpreted as criticism and, unless the person is significant to me, why bother? However, I also think that people NEED self-deception to a certain degree and it is dangerous to mess around with people’s protective devices. Seems to be that when they are ready to face a particular unpleasant truth about themselves, they will discover it for themselves. Usually, the insight will result from having to live with the consequences of their self-deception. Finally, I have at last given up on trying to fix other people. I have enough problems trying to fix myself…I don’t need an additional burden.
saralynn: ...people NEED self-deception to a certain degree and it is dangerous to mess around with people’s protective devices.
Nonsense. That’s the problem with the world. People NEED to be confronted with reality. And if they can’t handle it straight away maybe we need to help them. The rest is bullshit.
Going back to the original phrasing of the topic “self-awareness” defined as the ability to see oneself from the perspective of others really must be said to be both a genetic trait of our species but also something that has a scale.
I mean, everyone except people with specific brain disorders like certain kinds of autism are capable of seeing ourselves from the perspective of others. That is we are capable of recognizing that every individual has different and unique sets of information. When you conduct the scientific experiment with kids where you have for example a doll, two boxes and a ball, and in plain sight of the doll you put one ball in one box. Then you take the doll out of sight and switch the ball to the other box. You then bring back the doll and ask the child in which box the doll would look for the ball. Children under the age of 4 will point to the box where the ball is because that is where the ball is to them. But children older than 4 will point to the empty box where the doll would last had seen the ball being placed. They can recognize that from the point of view of the doll, the ball is in that box even though it is not.
This should be the very basic form of self awareness because if you can not acknowledge that different people have different perspectives on reality then you obviously can not be aware of how you are percieved by others. So if you go down to that most basic of level it is something that is inherent in all of us but which we are not born with, it develops as inevitably as speaking our native language. But then obviously if you look at the world there is no doubt that people have honed this ability to vastly different extents. Exactly why that is seems to me to be a question with a likely extremely complex answer involving numerous factors such as practice, the absence of other psychological traits that acts as obstacles to this and culture, upbringing and our preconceptions about society leading us to assume that people will perceive you in a different way than they actually do. I would say in most of society the larger problem is not that people are just incapable of understanding how they are seen by others but that we massively exaggerate how we think we will be seen by others, thus limiting our actions.
At the same time I know people who very obviously have a much harder time seeing something from another persons point of view, for a few of these they have slight variations of autism and maybe the rest do as well it is just that most of the very subtle forms of autism goes undiagnosed. But to my recollection none of these people have ever changed. That could be significant of this being just like colorblindness or anything else that limits the brain on a physical level, but at the same time I doubt any of these people ever actually tried to practice the art of seeing themselves from someone else’s perspective so it is impossible to say if it is the lack of effort or the lack of ability that is at fault.
ROB: Nonsense. That’s the problem with the world. People NEED to be confronted with reality. And if they can’t handle it straight away maybe we need to help them. The rest is bullshit.
You underestimate the vulnerability of people and overestimate your own ability to discern what is “good” for them.
ROB: Nonsense. That’s the problem with the world. People NEED to be confronted with reality. And if they can’t handle it straight away maybe we need to help them. The rest is bullshit.
You underestimate the vulnerability of people and overestimate your own ability to discern what is “good” for them.
Not at all. I know from personal experience how vulnerable people are. I also know that it takes education and courage to overcome one’s vulnerability. Breeding ignorance and vulnerability is the secret weapon of the churches, of religion in general. A shot with a dirty needle may relieve symptoms but what is ulitmately good for a heroin addict is not more heroin. And what is ultimately good for people who are vulnerable because they are ignorant is not more bullshit but education and real knowledge.
CARBON: I think all people have self awareness at some level. Some people are aware of themselves and some aren’t, but the way I see it, people amongst their own respective communities help shape their own people to gain self awareness. I mean, who the hell would really notice you when you do stuff or say something, and really address that issue to you. That is when people get to notice themselves, I think.
The environment helps a lot in forming your Self Awareness. It plays a vigorous part I think.
I am always ambivalent about informing people who I think are self-deceived in certain areas. First of all, no matter how kindly the information is presented, it will almost always be interpreted as criticism and, unless the person is significant to me, why bother? However, I also think that people NEED self-deception to a certain degree and it is dangerous to mess around with people’s protective devices. Seems to be that when they are ready to face a particular unpleasant truth about themselves, they will discover it for themselves. Usually, the insight will result from having to live with the consequences of their self-deception. Finally, I have at last given up on trying to fix other people. I have enough problems trying to fix myself…I don’t need an additional burden.
A matter of identity. A person who identifies with the self-image they have will get pretty defensive if some aspect of that image is criticized, even in the friendliest and gentlest of ways. That said, one can be circumspect in pointing to things about a person that are not, shall we say, up to snuff, or are offensive to others. I recall once in the mid-70s a friend saying to me in response to something dumb I’d done: “Your theater is so perfect one would almost think you weren’t acting.” There’s also the notion that “a friend is someone who will tell you when you have egg on your face.” My paternal grandmother was quite good at this, at least with children. I recall a cousin who always was scowling. Other people would tell him not to scowl and he would just glower. My grandmother waited for his infrequent smiles and praised him for having such a beautiful smile and wishing she could see it more often.
DesCartes, I think, said “I think therefore I am.” I’d modify that to “I feel, then think, therefore I am.” Studies of sensory deprivation show that a person deprived of sensations, just their own thoughts, quickly become disoriented and almost psychotic in a few hours. Extended a lot, we need others in order to recognize ourselves.
Die fröhliche Wissenschaft (Rob) - 27 December 2011 09:22 AM
That may be so, Dennis, and I imagine that the more grounded those others are in reality the more we can hope to get a true picture of ourselves.
How else can we define “Self,” except in relations to others, or at least outside stimuli? Children raised by wolves end up with (by reports) a sense of self quite different from normal.
Die fröhliche Wissenschaft (Rob) - 27 December 2011 09:22 AM
That may be so, Dennis, and I imagine that the more grounded those others are in reality the more we can hope to get a true picture of ourselves.
How else can we define “Self,” except in relations to others, or at least outside stimuli? Children raised by wolves end up with (by reports) a sense of self quite different from normal.
Die fröhliche Wissenschaft (Rob) - 27 December 2011 09:22 AM
That may be so, Dennis, and I imagine that the more grounded those others are in reality the more we can hope to get a true picture of ourselves.
How else can we define “Self,” except in relations to others, or at least outside stimuli? Children raised by wolves end up with (by reports) a sense of self quite different from normal.
Die fröhliche Wissenschaft (Rob) - 27 December 2011 09:22 AM
That may be so, Dennis, and I imagine that the more grounded those others are in reality the more we can hope to get a true picture of ourselves.
How else can we define “Self,” except in relations to others, or at least outside stimuli? Children raised by wolves end up with (by reports) a sense of self quite different from normal.
Die fröhliche Wissenschaft (Rob) - 27 December 2011 09:22 AM
That may be so, Dennis, and I imagine that the more grounded those others are in reality the more we can hope to get a true picture of ourselves.
How else can we define “Self,” except in relations to others, or at least outside stimuli? Children raised by wolves end up with (by reports) a sense of self quite different from normal.
