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SPEECHIE: Jezus & Saralynn, I have been thinking of starting my own Super Duper Happy religion. No dogma, rules, or specific story, but if you sign up you get your very own invisible, benevolent angel friend who loves you more than life and listens to your every problem, and a ticket to Super Duper Happy land upon dying. Oh, and also a tee shirt.

The problem with your new religion is the same as with the old religions.  At some point you bump into reality and the fact the the Universe is indifferent to you is made quite clear. 

SPEECHIE: Saralynn, I totally hear you on the guilt thing. I feel guilty about odd things, like feeling sad - how dare I be sad when other people in the world have such horrible problems! I took a meditation course not too long ago (thank god, so I at least have a few secular coping skills ) where my teacher gave me some advice on this.

She described guilt as a negative ego trip (sorry, I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, it’s not meant as “egotistical” but as in the more traditional sense of ego as “I”). So in this sense ego means we’re still focused on our sense of “self”, in a negative way. Her advice was to focus on ourselves in a positive and loving way - that usually there’s a fear that this will lead to a sort of narcissism, but in reality just the opposite is true.

I don’t think I feel guilty in the sense that I am worse than anyone else.  My “sins” are rather mundane.  However, if I decide something is ethical and I DON’T respond accordingly,  then I feel I have failed my obligations as a moral human being.  I also feel like God will be disappointed in me if I fail, which is not rational, but it’s a feeling that is THERE inside me, urging me to be exemplary.  My parents were indulgent, nonjudgmental,  and I had no religious upbringing, so I don’t know where all this oppressive guilt came from.  Mario would say it’s from God.  I think it may be from watching too many Walt Disney movies in my childhood.

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SPEECHIE :Yeah, some of it is certainly your inborn temperament, for sure. And our brains don’t like emotions that just hang out for no apparent reason, I think, so we create stories around them (I feel this way because God is watching…). Have you tried meditation? It is extraordinarily uncomfortable to just “hang out” with a feeling like guilt, I can attest to that, but I think it’s ultimately helpful.

I don’t meditate, but I’m pretty good at watching myself react because I’ve been an avid novel reader since I was a child and am able to see myself as a character.  Actually, I complain about the guilt, but I must get off on it for some reason or else I wouldn’t continue it.  Add religious confusion to the mix and you get a woman who thinks in circles and fights with herself, but prefers it that way.

But, I’m exaggerating, of course.  I am certainly not miserable.  It just so happens that I’m going through a period of moral indeciveness at the moment.  There is a specific situation in which I should act morally, but I can’t convince myself to do it because I DON’T WANT TO DO IT!  I almost pinned myself down and forced myself to do the right thing, but just when I was about to declare victory,I slipped out of my own grasp.  I wonder who is stronger?  I have a feeling I will wrestle with myself until the situation changes and neither will defeat the other.  That’s my usual modus operandi.

saralynn - 15 December 2011 05:54 PM

But, I’m exaggerating, of course.  I am certainly not miserable.  It just so happens that I’m going through a period of moral indeciveness at the moment.  There is a specific situation in which I should act morally, but I can’t convince myself to do it because I DON’T WANT TO DO IT!  I almost pinned myself down and forced myself to do the right thing, but just when I was about to declare victory,I slipped out of my own grasp.  I wonder who is stronger?  I have a feeling I will wrestle with myself until the situation changes and neither will defeat the other.  That’s my usual modus operandi.

Sounds like you have a healthy conscience. Why on Earth wouldn’t you want to follow it? I can’t imagine it’s laziness or selfishness on your part. Is it possible that the situation is morally ambiguous? Maybe there’s a good, moral reason for not acting. In fact, I’m sure there is! I’ll bet I could find it if I knew the specifics. It’s just a matter of thinking outside the box.

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SPEECHIE: : Sounds like you have a healthy conscience. Why on Earth wouldn’t you want to follow it? I can’t imagine it’s laziness or selfishness on your part. Is it possible that the situation is morally ambiguous? Maybe there’s a good, moral reason for not acting. In fact, I’m sure there is! I’ll bet I could find it if I knew the specifics. It’s just a matter of thinking outside the box.

No, it is not ambiguous.  I have a student, a special needs adult, and her guardian (who lives in another state) is looking for someone to move in with her.  At this point, I am doing many errands for this woman…shopping, cleaning, taking her to appointments, entertainment… and getting paid for it.  I’m even thinking I could offer to stay with her a few nights a week.  I know someone who needs a place to stay and who would be an excellent companion for my student, but, if she moves in, many of the services I provide would not be necessary and my income would be affected.  I have an unemployed husband and lots of debt, so I need all the money I can earn.  However, it would be better for my student and the potential companion if I made the sacrifice, but I keep avoid making a decision because I really want the $$$$..  It would be easy if I wasn’t struggling myself, but, since I am, I am really torn.  Sucky problem, isn’t it?  I rationalize and tell myself I will really work twice as hard for the retarded adult and take her special places, etc. but, in reality, that doesn’t compare to having someone live with her. 

Drats.  It’s easy to be moral when you have no needs, isn’t it?  I would be a great philanthropist, if only I could afford to be one.

I’m leaning toward making the sacrifice.  It’s better than feeling guilty all day.  But, then…damn damn damn…I need the money.

saralynn - 15 December 2011 09:33 PM

SPEECHIE: : Sounds like you have a healthy conscience. Why on Earth wouldn’t you want to follow it? I can’t imagine it’s laziness or selfishness on your part. Is it possible that the situation is morally ambiguous? Maybe there’s a good, moral reason for not acting. In fact, I’m sure there is! I’ll bet I could find it if I knew the specifics. It’s just a matter of thinking outside the box.

No, it is not ambiguous.  I have a student, a special needs adult, and her guardian (who lives in another state) is looking for someone to move in with her.  At this point, I am doing many errands for this woman…shopping, cleaning, taking her to appointments, entertainment… and getting paid for it.  I’m even thinking I could offer to stay with her a few nights a week.  I know someone who needs a place to stay and who would be an excellent companion for my student, but, if she moves in, many of the services I provide would not be necessary and my income would be affected.  I have an unemployed husband and lots of debt, so I need all the money I can earn.  However, it would be better for my student and the potential companion if I made the sacrifice, but I keep avoid making a decision because I really want the $$$$..  It would be easy if I wasn’t struggling myself, but, since I am, I am really torn.  Sucky problem, isn’t it?  I rationalize and tell myself I will really work twice as hard for the retarded adult and take her special places, etc. but, in reality, that doesn’t compare to having someone live with her. 

Drats.  It’s easy to be moral when you have no needs, isn’t it?  I would be a great philanthropist, if only I could afford to be one.

I’m leaning toward making the sacrifice.  It’s better than feeling guilty all day.  But, then…damn damn damn…I need the money.

That sounds ambiguous to me. The well-being of conscious creatures includes your and your husband’s well-being as well as that of your student and your friend. Were you to install this friend of yours into your student’s apartment as a paid companion, your and your husband’s well-being would be reduced. Since your own well-being counts more than other people’s in the calculation of WBCC, the course of action which leads to maximum WBCC is to continue on as your student’s companion. Any other course of action would not maximize WBCC and would therefore be immoral.

My suggestion would be to rent a room out to this friend of yours who needs a place to stay, preferably at your student’s apartment. The rental income would further increase your well-being, and having a roommate would increase your student’s well-being. And, of course, your friend’s well-being would be increased by having a place to stay.

How often does the guardian come to visit? It’s possible he or she might not know what the purpose of morality is and object to such an arrangement. That would be a shame. Exercise appropriate caution!

Five cents, please.

ASD: My suggestion would be to rent a room out to this friend of yours who needs a place to stay, preferably at your student’s apartment. The rental income would further increase your well-being, and having a roommate would increase your student’s well-being. And, of course, your friend’s well-being would be increased by having a place to stay.

I think the guardian might object to me renting rooms in a home that does not belong to me.  Thanks for the advice, though.  The concern expressed by your efforts to increase my well-being actually increased my well-being .  Let me know if there is ever a way I can increase your well being without sacrificing my own well being to a significant degree.

May the holiday season increase your own well-being and the well-being of all the conscious creatures in your life.  Jingle bells.

saralynn - 16 December 2011 05:51 AM

May the holiday season increase your own well-being and the well-being of all the conscious creatures in your life.  Jingle bells.

Why, thank you. That almost sounds like a viable alternative to the religiously loaded, “Merry Christmas” and the bland, “Happy Holidays.” May the holiday season maximize your well-being, too, Saralynn—and all the conscious creatures in your life!