Ecurb Noselrub - 03 June 2011 09:43 AM

Kevorkian, who just died, had it right. There is a time when ending one’s own life simply becomes the right thing to do.

In his book, ‘LIFE ASCENDING - The Ten Great Inventions of Evolution’ - Nick Lane begins the last chapter (DEATH) with this paragraph:

“It’s said that money can’t buy happiness.  But Croesus, King of Lydia in ancient times, was rich as . . . Croesus, and thought himself the happiest of men.  Seeking avowal from the Athenian statesman Solon, then passing through his lands, Croesus was irritated to be told, ‘Count no man happy until he be dead’; for who can predict what Fate holds in store?  And it so happened that Croesus, acting on an archetypically ambiguous oracle from Delphi, was captured by Cyrus, the Great King of Persia, and bound to a pyre to be burned alive.  Yet instead of berating the gods for his excruciating end, Croesus murmured the name ‘Solon’.  Mystified, Cyrus enquired what he had meant, and was told of Solon’s counsel.  Realising that he, too, was a puppet of fortune, Cyrus had Croesus cut down (others say that Apollo came to is aid with a thunderstorm) and appointed him as an adviser.

Dying well meant a great deal to the Greeks. . .”  (end quote from ‘LIFE ASCENDING’ by Nick Lane)

Speaking of Kevorkian, and thinking of how he was so roundly condemned, it has always puzzled me why most of us can comfortably (albeit with sorrow) take our beloved pets to the vet’s to be ‘put to sleep’ when it becomes clear that their suffering outweighs their enjoyment of life.

Yup, its a complete double standard born of religious irrationality. ‘Dr Death’ was a good man. He cared about people’s suffering and sought to alleviate it. Others try to perpetuate it. The religious, after having given themselves a hard time, see no reason why others should get off easy.

Sigh - 03 June 2011 08:29 AM

Long story, but, I led a support group for people with mental illness of one kind or another.  I didn’t burn out.  I became emotionally involved with many of the members of the group, and when one killed himself, I crashed and burned. . It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the basic story.  I wish I had a tougher personality because society’s treatment of the mentally ill is disgraceful and I’d like to get involved in hospital care programs, but I don’t have the emotional strength to do it.  I’d like to help people recognize that they are not powerless…that there are techniques and strategies for dealing with mental illness if you can learn detachment and objectivity. I would stress cognitive therapy, meditation, and fellowhip with other sufferers….sort of like AA.  Of course, this would not work with extremely deranged people, but, it would help many patients who are plagued by symptoms, but who are nevertheless capable of recognizing they have an illness, but are not their illness.  From my experience, all that is done for the mentally ill is give them medication, then send them out the door.

Over the past couple of decades there does seem to be a lot more consideration and understanding of how to help empower people with mental illness, however, no one really seems willing to commit the time and resources necessary to accomplishing the task. That’s what’s so frustrating. We can afford to fight another war, or two, or three, erect another edifice to ourselves, incarcerate people for consensual crimes, etc, but not do what is necessary to help one another over debilitating illnesses that can be treated successfully. It’s enough to cause a person to lose hope.

That tougher personality is something a lot of caregivers struggle to develop. Students or new grads will ask “How do you keep from getting emotionally involved?”, and my response is always the same.. you don’t.  When a person chooses to be a caregiver because they care, then they are already emotionally involved. Inevitably, some of those ‘newbies’ who genuinely care about others do burn out, but it’s hardly ever from caring too much, IMO, but because they have yet to learn how to cope with all the shocks to the system that come with the job. That is something I’m convinced nearly anyone can do after years of watching the frailest meekest people pony up to care for a dying loved one despite having been an emotional wreck who couldn’t bear to look on the misery only days before.

Having read some of your confessions re: how delightfully mushy you are, and given the compassion, wit, and intelligence that pervades so many of your posts, I can only believe that you must be a fabulous caregiver, Saralynn. What do you think prevents you from being able to ‘cope with the shocks’?  (if you don’t mind my asking)

Kevorkian is one of my heroes. We need a thread about him and his work.

Stardust: Having read some of your confessions re: how delightfully mushy you are, and given the compassion, wit, and intelligence that pervades so many of your posts, I can only believe that you must be a fabulous caregiver, Saralynn. What do you think prevents you from being able to ‘cope with the shocks’?  (if you don’t mind my asking)

I’ve always been a wistful sort of gal, but working with people who were suffering so much turned my “touch of melancholy” into abject misery. This, combined with an almost neurotic ability to empathize, was my downfall. To me, mental illness seems particularly horrific and I felt so sorry for these people and when my friend killed himself, I kept replaying in my mind how much he must have suffered to do such a thing.  Then I got mad at God for not existing. Fearful, too, and vulnerable.  I got so tired of “feeling:....you know?  Life seemed like too much of an effort.

Anyway, I’ve rallied and I will never allow myself to feel so deeply again.  I do this by cultivating “denial” and by nurturing the hope that somehow life will have some kind of ultimate justice at the end.  Sort of like what God said to Job….“I’m God and you’re not, so shut up and stop asking questions.”

Thanks for saying such kind things about me, Stardust. Despite…or maybe because of….that “touch of melancholy” I mentioned above, I’ve always been grateful for laughter.

Hmmm….are human beings the only animal that laughs?

Saralynn,

The fact that there is so much suffering in the world screws with my mind like nothing else does. It comes directly from being abused and watching my brother suffer so much. It was hell, there is no other word for it.. a place of separation from everything that was light and good and colorful and hopeful. The mental anguish of being alone in the dark not knowing if the worst is over or just beginning is something I cannot bear to think that anyone else goes through. The horror of it is that so many people have it so much worse than anything that happened in that basement. It’s a difficult thing to know, and even more difficult because there so many who aren’t suffering that just don’t seem to give a shit about the ones who are, and yet, when they suffer, they expect or hope that someone will be there for them.

Anyway, thank goodness for humor!

Sigh - 03 June 2011 02:11 PM

Hmmm….are human beings the only animal that laughs?

Good confessions from all those crammed into this confessional.  I recently watched a show about abandoned chimps and the caregiver was giving a play by play report of a sad and lonely female chimp being introduced to a rather rambunctious and emotional male. They hit it off right from the first meeting and you might say it was “love at first sight” and at one point the caregiver commented after the female had investigated the submissive male and let out a series of jovial screams, “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen her laugh!”

An article on at NPR’s All Things Considered -  Our primate ancestors have been laughing for 10m years: Study that involved tickling apes suggests laughter is not a uniquely human trait after all

And here’s the report from the scientists mentioned in the articles -  Reconstructing the Evolution of Laughter in Great Apes and Humans

Another scholarly article - [url=http://www.chsbs.cmich.edu/hajime_otani/Classes/100/Extra1.pdf]Laughing, Tickling, and the
Evolution of Speech and Self[/url]