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Right. Her comfort and my contempt for the Sylvia Browne’s of the world is the source of my inner conflict. Ultimately, her comfort wins out. But I wish… boy do I wish, she would somehow see the light.
In her 90s? Such things seem rather trivial for someone at that age to me. In fact if I thought someone having a hard time accepting the inevitable and immanent would be comforted by bueslhite, I’d probably encourage them toward the buelshite as long as it didn’t actually rob them of remaining quality time.
Hey, my 88-year old mom can’t even read a book these days because her short-term memory is shot. So I agree with the others that it’s best to treat this as an survivable annoyance at this point. Many older people lose a lot of their ability to discern as brain function decays. My mom spends an inordinate amount of time cleaning the kitchen and playing the same few songs over and over on the piano. These activities are comfortable to her. Luckily she has a live-in friend who cares for her. It requires a ton of patience and love.
Is it really any different than buying any other book of fiction? I’ve read nearly all of Stephen King’s books which is theoretically a waste of money.
If you were entertained, they were not a waste of money. They did at least one thing fiction is supposed to do.
MrRon—let your Mom waste her time and money. Even a huckster like Sylvia Browne hasn’t written enough books to seriously damage your mother’s financial status, so let it go.
My late grandmother was victimized by a couple of scam artists selling unnecessary life insurance and home “improvement” projects. That involved hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. My parents really did have to step in, for her own good.
A shelf full of garbage books that she takes comfort from is a scam she can afford to be taken by.
MrRon—let your Mom waste her time and money. Even a huckster like Sylvia Browne hasn’t written enough books to seriously damage your mother’s financial status, so let it go.
My late grandmother was victimized by a couple of scam artists selling unnecessary life insurance and home “improvement” projects. That involved hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. My parents really did have to step in, for her own good.
A shelf full of garbage books that she takes comfort from is a scam she can afford to be taken by.
That’s EXACTLY what Sylvia Browne would like to hear! As long as thousands of people buy her lies in moderation, she becomes rich! Furthermore, those buying her books will vigorously defend her! What a gig!!
Anyway, my mother will continue buying her books. And part of me will like (love) the fact that she still can, and does, get enjoyment out of reading. Another part of me will bite my tongue and silently curse that blood-sucking, morally bereft, parasitic, con artist Sylvia Browne. And yet another part of me resents the willful ignorance of my mother. It’s a triple edged sword.
So here’s my situation; My elderly mother (in her early 90s) is a big believer in woo-woo (as the Amazing Randi would say). She unquestioningly eats up anything having to do with psychics, UFOS, life after death, etc. She is a HUGE Sylvia Browne fan. In fact, I counted 15 - FIFTEEN Sylvia Browne books that she had packed when she recently moved in with me! She may even have more that I’m not aware of. I was shocked that Sylvia Browne even wrote that many books! I thought she just wrote a few. One can only imagine what kind of crap this lady is churning out to the gullible public. Anyway, I tried to educate my mother by showing her some articles and video clips clearly exposing Sylvia Browne for the fraud that she is. But my mother’s thinking has been so perverted by the combination of brainwashing and aging, that she cannot even entertain the possibility that her beloved Sylvia could be anything but saintly. But that’s not all. She’s a sucker for ANY book having to do with someone’s account of “the other side.”
So what’s the dilemma? Well, on the one hand I HATE seeing her spend her money on that crap. Granted, she’s not nearly in any kind of financial peril because of her occasional book purchases. But, imo, ANY penny spent on this crap is money that is utterly wasted. She just lives on her monthly social security check, so she’s not rich by any means. Furthermore, and aside from the financial aspect, I simply hate seeing her be hoodwinked by these snake oil salesmen/women.
On the other hand, at her age, reading is one of the few pleasures she has left in life. I wouldn’t want to deprive her of something she gets enjoyment out of. And it’s not as if I, or anyone else, has a chance in hell of rewiring her brain. So I bite my tongue and no longer challenge her on it (well, not nearly as much as I used to). Even though it makes me feel icky to let her continue in her delusions. But I figure as long as she’s not making the $750 phone calls to Sylvia for a psychic reading it’s just something I’ll have to put up with.
Ron
Leave her alone. This is clearly a problem for you not hers. By posting this, you are starting to help yourself. Likewise, reflect on why it bothers you so much.
So here’s my situation; My elderly mother (in her early 90s) is a big believer in woo-woo (as the Amazing Randi would say). She unquestioningly eats up anything having to do with psychics, UFOS, life after death, etc. She is a HUGE Sylvia Browne fan. In fact, I counted 15 - FIFTEEN Sylvia Browne books that she had packed when she recently moved in with me! She may even have more that I’m not aware of. I was shocked that Sylvia Browne even wrote that many books! I thought she just wrote a few. One can only imagine what kind of crap this lady is churning out to the gullible public. Anyway, I tried to educate my mother by showing her some articles and video clips clearly exposing Sylvia Browne for the fraud that she is. But my mother’s thinking has been so perverted by the combination of brainwashing and aging, that she cannot even entertain the possibility that her beloved Sylvia could be anything but saintly. But that’s not all. She’s a sucker for ANY book having to do with someone’s account of “the other side.”
So what’s the dilemma? Well, on the one hand I HATE seeing her spend her money on that crap. Granted, she’s not nearly in any kind of financial peril because of her occasional book purchases. But, imo, ANY penny spent on this crap is money that is utterly wasted. She just lives on her monthly social security check, so she’s not rich by any means. Furthermore, and aside from the financial aspect, I simply hate seeing her be hoodwinked by these snake oil salesmen/women.
On the other hand, at her age, reading is one of the few pleasures she has left in life. I wouldn’t want to deprive her of something she gets enjoyment out of. And it’s not as if I, or anyone else, has a chance in hell of rewiring her brain. So I bite my tongue and no longer challenge her on it (well, not nearly as much as I used to). Even though it makes me feel icky to let her continue in her delusions. But I figure as long as she’s not making the $750 phone calls to Sylvia for a psychic reading it’s just something I’ll have to put up with.
Ron
You are only conflicted due to some delusion that any of it is real. Her idea of what is real merely conflicts with your idea of reality. Focusing on what is a conflict between her concept of reality and yours is merely a focus on conflict itself. The only reality is the relationship between her and yourself. But the looking for this relationship is also the conflict that is apparent. In the looking for relationship, one only finds frustration because each of you have bought into concepts about reality. Concepts about reality cannot therefore be reality. They are concepts only ABOUT it. My suggestion is that you just stop bothering to search for a relationship with her. The relationship is already apparent. If you simply do not enjoy what is apparent then simply do something else instead. Focusing on difference is a cul-de-sac of futility, and such futile quests merely implies that all of us must be the same. Quests for sameness is the dominion of our conventional religions.
Thanks everyone. But try not to make too much out of this. My elderly mother likes to read and I like that. Sylvia Browne preys on the gullible and profits financially as a result. I don’t like that. My mother purchases Sylvia Browne books. Thus, the mixed feelings that I experience. Will she continue to read them? Yes. Will I try to stop her? No, of course not. Do we have some sort of contentious relationship? No, we have a very good relationship. And that’s as far as it goes.
If she’s not spending your money or running up your bills, it’s none of your business. Bug off.
Hypothetically…
What if she was spending 25% of her income on that stuff? 50%? 80%? 100%? At what point would it become an issue? I’m sure there would be some point at which you would be concerned if your parent was spending a large portion of their income making known fraudsters rich(er).
So although it may not be any of my business now, it is my concern. And, as I said, if not for the financial aspect, simply for the fact that she is being manipulated by unscrupulous individuals.
All that being said, I do see the upside to indulging her. So I will indeed “bug off.”
Ron
The only answer that supports her right to autonomy as well as your concern for her well being is to ask her where that point is (assuming that in your sober judgement you believe she is currently capable of having a conversation concerning her well-being). If so, the conversation will become an informal mental ‘living will”. Tell her, that you as her son care about her well-being. People often get Alzheimer’s disease and reach a point where their decision-making ability becomes so bad that their well-being may be better served if someone else were making those decisions on their behalf. Ask her if she believes that such a point exists, and if so, then start having a conversation about what that point looks like to her and what she wants you to do once she has crossed it. For example sit down with her current budget and say, “At what point would you like me to step in? When you are spending 50% of your monthly disposable income on one thing?”
Be careful. You obviously don’t want to broach conversations like this lightly, but they don’t need to be be overly dramatic either. If, once you’ve had this conversation with her, you feel the need to re-open the issue, examine your own motives. And finally, this runs the risk of accidentally creating a commitment device. This is a link to a Freakonomics podcast that examines the efficacy of commitment devices.
Agree with all above. Unless she is (1) incompetent and (2) is behaving in a manner that clearly endangers her health or financial status, or (3) your’s, leave her alone.
If you have not done so, sit your mom down to a viewing of Dr Jill Taylor on TED. That should let her begin a study on how the brain works, and she might eventually begin to realize that it does not work as Mz Sylvia Browne suggests.
